Death and Divorce

Divorce.

To so many, that word holds such little weight. We live  in a society now where that word is as common as shaking ones hand or passing the peas at dinner. It’s as common as announcing an engagement, sending invitations to a wedding, or announcing that you’re expecting your first child. For some people, in some instances, divorce might even be as exciting as some of those experiences as well. For me, divorce meant something different.

Divorce meant death. Now, I know that sounds a little dramatic, but I’ve realized now that a lot of things died the moment I got a divorce. The relationship died obviously, but so much more died with it. There was the death of a future, possibly more children, a dual income, a two- parent household with both mom and dad, comfortability, and love. The death of a love with someone that I’ve known my entire young adulthood thus far is probably the second hardest part of divorcing. The first hardest part about the death of such a relationship and its dissolution is seeing the parts of me that died with it.

I’m not going to get into all of the little intricacies of why my marriage ended- because it’s over and I would still like to maintain some level of privacy despite the fact that I am blogging for the world to read haha! However, like my marriage and most others’, there were reasons behind the dissolution. Reasons why my marriage, like so many other marriages, just couldn’t continue. For some the reasons might be extremely small while others might potentially be Titanic-huge. Nevertheless, everyone loses something despite how the relationship ends. Not all losses are bad, as ridding yourself of the basis of the divorce is probably a good load to drop, but losing oneself is never good.

After doing my own little personal inventory, I’ve realized that I’ve lost things like confidence in myself and other really important things that shape the way I make decisions, interact, and sometimes communicate with others. It’s tough. It’s tough because I wasn’t always this way, and it’s impossible to go back to the old Nae (pre- marriage) because I have been shaped by so much since then.

So, then what does one do when they have found themselves in a situation like this?

Well, you let those things die like the flowers in the Fall, and allow yourself to be reborn into an even more amazing version of yourself like the flowers in the Spring. This part is a process, and should take time to ensure that it is a true evolution instead of rushed attempt to seem healed (I am saying this part from experience haha). Loving yourself, getting to know who you are now, and taking the time to invest love and self-care is essential to that healing! Don’t cheat yourself out of the love YOU should give yourself because your schedule doesn’t permit or other silly excuses, because you’ll end up looking for that same love and care in all the wrong places.

No matter where you are in the process of dissolving a marriage or even a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember that you are important. What happened doesn’t define you, and you can regain everything you’ve lost over time! In fact, you would have gained even more than you originally lost to begin with. Just take time to love yourself and the path to a more beautiful life will appear under your feet without you even noticing it!

XOXO,

Nae